It Let Me Go

"You seem different than when I saw you a few months ago," my friend said today as we put the hoses away. She was walking me through how to make hard cider with apples from our tree and we were wrapping up.

"What do you mean?" I knew I was different, what was she noticing?

"You were saying you weren't sure if you were strong enough to do things, you seem much stronger now." She said in her decisive Italian tone that exuded authority. Yes, she was right. I have come a long way.

Why don't I spin out and snap back the way I used to? Crossed boundaries don't register as a threat anymore. They have become a data point that does not need an energy-draining response. How can I put in 4 hours of work, go grocery shopping and make dinner without shutting down the way I used to? I have more reserve energy to give - yay to gardening work that fuels me so well! I can go through hours of "people-ing" and recover after a good night's rest instead of weeks. I can host 60 people while enjoying many present moments instead of running around in a frantic blur. What used to control me, has now let me go. Freedom feels good.

That said, I am recovering from a cold. Perhaps I've overdone it a bit 🙂. Still, as the season changes, I am grateful for the slowdown. This time to let go, and open to another rhythm that the fall brings. May I always remember how different it was - when racing thoughts, anxiety, and triggers were the suffocating baseline norm. May I be grateful for this freedom, peace and flow.

Thank you for being here, sending you hugs,

Crystal

Posted on social Oct 3, 2024